CONGRATS! You're Pregnant!
by Akatsuki-Girl1993
Summary: What would happen if Konan got pregnant? What would the Akatsuki say? What would they do? What would they do when Konan went into labor? This is what might happen if Konan got pregnant. PeinXKonan hints. T for Hidan's mouth.
1. SURPRISE!

**CONGRATS!! You're Pregnant!**

_**So, last night, I was lying in my bed, trying to get to sleep. I suffer from insomnia sometimes, so I'm kind of used to lying in my bed awake. So, normally night is my time to just think about everything without having people bug me. So, as I lay there in the dark, I thought, "What would happen if Konan got pregnant? What would the Akatsuki say? What would they do? What would they do when Konan went into labor?" So…I had this awesome idea to write a story about what might happen if Konan got pregnant. READ AND ENJOY!!**_

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Akatsuki or Naruto. Akatsuki and Naruto are a copy right of Masashi Kishimoto. They belong to him and the Anime corporation. This story is completely fan-made, and is in no way associated with Masashi Kishimoto or the Anime corporation. **

* * *

**_Chapter 1: SURPRISE!_**

All the Akatsuki were eating breakfast when Konan and Pein walked in. "Hey." Konan says, giving a quick wave. The guys mumble incoherently. She goes to the fridge and takes out a bottle of water. She opens it and takes a sip. "HI, KONAN-CHAN!" Tobi shouts happily. "Tobi, it's 7am. Now is not the time for shouting." Pein says, rubbing his temples. Konan smiles then goes wide eyed. She claps her hands over her mouth and runs to her room. The guys watch her zoom past. "What's wrong with her, un?" Deidara asks. Pein shrugs and follows her. "I've never seen her run that fast." Kisame says, staring at his food. Pein comes back in a few moments and says, "Meeting, now."

Everyone gathers in the living room. "So, what's going on?" Itachi asks in a dull tone. "Ok, umm… I don't know how to say this." Pein stumbles, trying to find his words. "I'm pregnant." Konan says, coming out of her bedroom. Everyone (except Pein) looks at Konan with a "What the hell are you talking about?" expression. Pein rubs the back of his head awkwardly and nods. No one dare say anything for a few moments. A certain loud-mouthed Jashin worshiper breaks the awkward silence.

"What… the fuck?" Hidan says, saying what everyone is thinking.

"You're joshing us." Kakuzu says, not believing her.

"No. I'm not." Konan replies.

"When did you find out?" Kisame asks.

"A few minutes ago when I puked my guts out. I suspected it for a while, but I wasn't sure. And now I'm sure I am cause I just took a test." She says. "Wow, un." Deidara says. There's a pause, then Tobi asks, "So, Konan-Chan is gonna have a baby?" Konan nods and Tobi jumps up and down, saying, "YAY!! A BABY!!" He runs over to Konan and puts his ear against her stomach. "What the hell?!" Konan says, looking at Tobi. "I don't hear anything." Tobi says. Konan slaps him upside his head and says, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Tobi jumps back at Konan's sudden out burst and hides behind Deidara. "May Jashin help us all." Hidan whispers, gripping his Jashin necklace.

* * *


	2. Freaking Out

**_Chapter 2: Freaking out_**

"Ok, since Konan is pregnant, you all need to do extra to pick up the slack." Pein says. "Like what?" Zetsu asks. "Well, you'll have to do extra missions, get food, sort through the missions we get. And you'll also have to help Konan. If she needs something, you get it for her. She wants a footstool, you are her footstool. Basically, you tend to her ever need." Pein tells them. "She's fucking pregnant. She's not dying." Hidan grumbles. "And she's not even fat yet." Sasori says, then regrets it. Konan glares at the puppet and says, "I may be pregnant, but I'll still kick your ass." "I said you're NOT fat. NOT." Sasori says. "You said I'm not fat YET. Watch it, puppet boy. I know where you live." Konan threatens.

"Anyway, she's ok to do things now, but when she starts needing your help, you will help her. Understand?" Pein asks. The men nod. "ok, dismissed." Pein says. "Good, I got to go puke." Konan says and goes back into her room. "How classy." Itachi mumbles, his voice soaked with sarcasm. Pein "poofs" away and the men are left in the living room. "Well, that was… interesting." Kisame says. "I wonder who the father is." Zetsu says. Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi shift awkwardly. "All of you guys fucked her?!" Hidan asks, totally shocked. "It was kind of a 4-some." Sasori mutters. Itachi says nothing and Deidara becomes very interested in the carpet.

Carpet! Wonder of wonders! It's like hair, FOR THE FLOOR! (Part from "Bad Kitty" by Michele Jaffe. It's a pimpin' book!)

"When did this happen?" Kakuzu asks. "Maybe 4 months ago." Itachi says. "I DON'T WANNA DIE, SASORI-NO-DANNA!! I'VE GOT TO MUCH TO GIVE, UN!!" Deidara says, shaking Sasori by his shoulders.

"Deidara-"

"WHO WILL EDUCATE THE WORLD ABOUT ART?!"

"Deidara-"

"I'M ONLY 22, UN!! I HAVE YEARS AHEAD OF ME!"

"Deidara-"

"I'VE NEVER FOUND TRUE LOVE! I CAN'T DIE NOW!!"

"DEIDARA!" Sasori shouts, pissed off. The blonde jumps a little, removes his hands from the puppet's shoulders and says,

"Sorry, un."

"Calm down. It's probably Pein's." Sasori says.

"But what if-"

"Deidara."

"Yeah?"

"Deep breath." Sasori tells him. Deidara takes a deep breath and calms down. "Wow. You just like, freaked out." Zetsu says. Deidara glares at the plant and says, "You know, I have weed killer in my room, un" "Shutting up." Zetsu says.

"Deidara, Konan said she took birth control. You're freaking out about nothing." Itachi says.

"Yeah, ButWhatIfSheWasThinkingAboutAlotOfStuffAndForgotAndGotPregnant?! PeinWouldKillUsSlowlyAndPainfully,LaughingAtOurHorridScreamsOfPainAndAgony-"

"Deidara, what did I tell you about talking rapidly?" Sasori says, raising an eyebrow. The blonde sighs and pouts. "Good. Now calm down before you make me have to hurt you." Sasori says. "It's probably Pein's anyway, un." Deidara says. "Thank everything that is bloody and torturous, I was thinking Pein would find out with this tattle tail blabbing." Itachi says. Deidara glares at Itachi, who then sticks his tongue out at the blonde. "Stick it out the other end, and I'll give you 10 bucks." Deidara says, smirking. "YAY!! MONEY!!" Kakuzu shouts. So, the guys watch as Kakuzu tries to stick his tongue out his butt.

* * *

**_Hey! I hope you liked it! You know something, I always pictured if the Akatsuki had a house, it would be all wood floring. Weird, huh? _**

**_Anyway, I kinda stole from myself cause when I freak out, I talk really fast and forget to breathe. haha! You can laugh at me, I don't care. And I talk really fast when I'm with my friend Kayla. It's awesome! And when I'm freaking out about someone being mad at me, I get really poetic and say, "Then I'll be trapped in an endless abyss of infinite darkness that is the miserable blob that I call my life. And they will laugh and scorn me as my eyes are plucked out by evil demon buzzards, and my soul ripped apart by the soiled claws of torture, loneliness, derision,_****_ and depression." and it makes my friends and family laugh. Yep, I'm a drama queen. ;P _**

**_The "Stick it out the other end..." thing is from my mother. She says that when I stick my tongue out at her. haha! It's quite funny! Oh! For when Deidara talks really fast, I capitalzed the first letter of each word so people could read it. If you still can't read it, it says, "But what if she was thinking about alot of stuff and forgot and got pregnant?! Pein would kill us slowly and painfully, laughing at our horrid screams of pain and agony." and then Sasori interrupted Deidara. -sniff- In his wonderfully poetic rant._**


	3. Snack Time

**Chapter 3: Snack Time**

**_I don't own any of the characters in this story, or Naruto. They belong to Masashi Kishimoto and the Anime corporation._**

_(All right, let's say 3 months pass. Konan now has a baby bump, and she's being more… demanding.)_

"ITACHI!!" Konan yells. The Uchiha rushes to her room, grumbling something about killing the woman. "Yeah?" He asked when he came in.

"I want something to eat."

"What do you want?"

"Umm… Chocolate covered pickles and mustard."

Itachi looked at her like she had lost her mind. "Are you joshin' me?" he asks.

"No. I'm damn serious."

"How 'bout I get you a sandwich." He suggests.

Konan motions for him to come closer. When he does, she grabs his shirt, pulls him toward herself till their faces are inches apart, and then says, "I want my fucking pickles." "Y-Yes, K-Konan." Itachi stumbles. She lets him go and he leaves.

* * *

"Kisame?" Itachi calls, walking into the kitchen. "Yeah?" he says, getting snack.

"Konan is hungry."

"Ok, what does she want?"

"You're not going to believe this but chocolate covered pickles and mustard."

Kisame looks at his partner with a "WTF?" expression.

"Is she serious?"

"Yeah. She wants her fucking pickles." Kisame looks through the fridge and the cub boards and takes out what he needs. "'Ight, but I think she's delirious." He says, opening a jar of pickles. "Who's delirious?" Deidara asks, walking into the kitchen.

"Konan." Itachi says.

"Why, un?"

"Cause she wants chocolate covered pickles and mustard." Kisame answers.

"What the fuck?" the blonde says.

"Our thoughts exactly." Itachi mumbles.

"How the hell am I going to cover the pickles in chocolate?" Kisame asks. "Melt some chocolate, then dip the pickles in it, un." Deidara says. Kisame shrugs and puts some chocolate in the microwave. "This is so screwed up." Itachi says. "It's actually normal." Deidara says as he sits at the table.

"Wanting chocolate covered pickles and mustard is NOT normal." The Uchiha says.

"No, I mean since she's pregnant. Women tend to have weird cravings when they're pregnant, un."

"How do you know?"

"Research."

"Why?"

"Cause Pein commanded me to go find out what happens when women are pregnant, un."

"Oh. What else happens?"

"Not to much else. But things get complicated when it gets closer to when the baby is gonna be born."

"Well, no duh."

"Yeah, but there's like these fake contractions, un. Ugh! I can't wait till that baby's out. This is SO annoying!" Deidara says, slamming his face on the table.

"Here, Itachi." Kisame says, handing him Konan's food. "If this gets worse, I'm cutting her open and taking that fucking baby out." Itachi curses, getting up and going to Konan's room.

Itachi goes to Konan's room and gives her the food. "Thanks, Itachi-san!" she says, smiling. She takes a big bite of a pickle and offers some to Itachi. "No thanks. I'm not hungry." He says with a shutter. He leaves her room and goes to relax before Konan yells for him again.


	4. Aggravated

_**Chapter 4: Aggravated**_

**_(Author's Note: Hey. 'ight, this chapter rated M for intense _**_**lauguage later in the chapter. This chapter was VERY amusing to write. And I don't know if Naruto people have pizza, but they do now! MUWAHAHAHAHA!!)**_

_**

* * *

**_

(At 3am)

"Deidara!!" Konan yells. Nothing. "DEIDARA!!" "I'm coming, un." The blonde mumbles sleepily, dragging himself to Konan's room.

"What do you want?"

"Hi. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like something to eat." She says with a perky smile.

Deidara blinks and says, "It's 3am. Can't this wait till 7, un?"

"What's that? My baby is going to die of starvation if it doesn't get something to eat? Well, I'm sorry little one; you're going to have to die. Why? Because Deidara is too tired to get us something to eat, that's why." Konan says with a sarcasm soaked voice.

"Alright, alright. What do you want to eat, un?"

"I want a pizza with feta cheese, hot banana peppers, horse radish, shrimp, and apple."

Deidara's jaw drops.

"You want me to get you a pizza with feta cheese, hot banana peppers, horse radish, shrimp, and apples at 3 in the FRICKIN' morning? Did I get all that, un?"

"Someone's edgy. Yes, that's what I want."

"You are the most infuriating female on the face of this earth. And you're the most horrible person that I've ever had the displeasure of saying I work for."

"Less talky, more walky."

Deidara growls and leaves her room.

"What's that baby? You're going to die? Well, I'm sorry I can't help you, but Deidara is too damn tired to get us something to eat." Deidara says in a mocking voice of Konan.

"I'mGonnaKillThatBitch. I'mGonnaKillThatBitch. I'mGonnaKillThatBitch."

* * *

"Ok, Konan. Here's you're pizza." Deidara mumbles when he comes back. "Took ya long enough." She says, sitting up. Deidara growls again and grinds his teeth.

"Well, if it hadn't been 3am, I would have found a pizza place quicker, un."

"Oh well. You got it. Thanks." She mumbles and stuffs a piece in her mouth.

Deidara sighs and turns to leave her room.

"Oh, Dei-kun?"

"-**Growls-**…Yes?"

"I'd like you to sing for me."

"What?"

"Sing. And it has to be a song from a musical."

"I'm not going to sing, un."

"What did Pein tell you and the rest of the guys?"

"**-Sigh-** To tend to your every wish."

"Good. I wish for you to sing… "Stars" from Les Misérable."

Deidara runs a hand through his hair and says, "Fine."

_**(So, Deidara sings, "Stars" and he does a damn fine job.)**_

* * *

"Ok, I'm going to sleep now." Deidara grumbles as he leaves the room. Konan shrugs and keeps eating her pizza.

"Finally. I get to go to sleep, un." Deidara thinks as he crawls into his bed.

"RISE AND SHINE, SEMPAI!! TIME TO WAKE UP!! THE BIRDS ARE SINGING, AND THE SUN IS SHINING!" Tobi shouts, bursting into his sempai's room. Tobi jumps on Deidara, blabbing about how nice it is outside. The blonde glares at the masked boy and growls and low, terrifying growl. Tobi looks at Deidara with wide eyes and says, "Is sempai pretending to be a doggie?"

"Tobi. Get off of me, un."

"Sempai…"

"NOW!"

Tobi jumps off the blonde and says, "MEEP!! Don't hurt Tobi!! Tobi's a good boy!"

"Tobi, I suggest you leave my room right now and cover you're ears, un."

Tobi runs out of the room with his hands over his ears.

"Run, Sasori-san!"

"Why?"

"Tobi doesn't know. Deidara-sempai told Tobi to leave and cover his ears."

"Why would Deidara say-"

**_(This next part is Rated M for intense swearing)  
_**

"FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKK!! MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!! EVERYONE, JUST FUCK OFF BEFORE I FUCKING SKIN SOMEONE!! ERGH!"

Sasori gapes at Deidara's bedroom door while Kisame, Itachi, Zetsu, and Kakuzu all peek out of their rooms and look in the direction of the swearing.

"Man, Deidara's pissed." Hidan says, walking past Sasori.

Deidara comes out of his room with a big smile.

"Hi, Sasori-no-danna, un. Beautiful day, isn't it?"

* * *


	5. On the brink of insanity

**Chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, Akatsuki, or anything else. If I did, everyone would be spazzes just like me.

* * *

**

_**(A week later)**_

"Zetsu-san?" Tobi asks, poking the plant man. Zetsu grumbles, but stays asleep. "Zetsu-san? Wake-up. Leader-sama wants to talk to us."

Tobi pokes him a little harder this time. Zetsu jumps and snaps at Tobi's hand. "MEEP!" Tobi jumps back, but Zetsu gets the corner of his sleeve.

"What do you want, Tobi? I'm busy."

"But, you were sleeping."

"Well, now I'm looking over missions." Zetsu says, looking at a stack of papers. "You wouldn't believe how many missions we get." **"People are hopeless. Why don't they just decipher their own damn problems?" **his black side says.

"Tobi doesn't know. People are-"

"That was a rhetorical question."

"…Huh?"

**"It means it doesn't require an answer, idiot."**

"Oh. Tobi is sorry. Tobi isn't used to all these big words."

"Anyway, these people don't even have that difficult of tribulations. It's not that intricate to execute a person."

"…Ow. Zetsu-san's big words make Tobi's head hurt."

Zetsu sighs and says, "Just tell Leader-san I'll be there in… 2 minutes." Tobi nods then leaves Zetsu to his work.

* * *

"Okay, now that Zetsu is here, I can begin the meeting." Pein said when Zetsu came in and handed him the missions.

"Alright, we still need to do missions to bring in money, but someone has to be here to watch Konan and help her." Pein says.

"So, I have devised a plan. Each of you will stay with Konan for 2 days, and then the next person will take over. Itachi, you'll be first."

"So, what exactly do I have to do?"

"You stay here. You don't get a mission."

"Oh, come AWN!! That is SO not fair!" Sasori objects.

"Let me finish. Instead of getting a mission, you'll be staying here with Konan, tending to her every need, and the same with tomorrow. Then the next person is… Kakuzu. Then, Hidan, Deidara, Zetsu, Sasori, Kisame, and myself." Pein finishes.

"Does Tobi get to help Konan?" the masked boy asks.

"Actually Tobi, I have a special task for you."

"YAY!! TOBI IS SPECIAL!!"

"Yes… You're in charge of buying everything we're going to need for the new infant. Bottles, diapers, clothes, that sort of thing." Pein says. "YAY!" Tobi shouts, jumping up and down.

* * *

_**(After the meeting…)**_

"Deidara? One thing." Pein says as the men leave the room. The blond looks over his shoulder at Pein.

"Yeah?"

"You'll have to help Tobi with the shopping."

"WHAT?! No way am I helping that imbecile un."

"You don't have a choice. I already asked Zetsu, and he's got enough to do."

"He never has to work for the bitch."

"Are you implying that Konan is a mean, cruel, and malicious female?"

"… Yes. That's EXACTLY what I'm implying, un. She's a slave driver. Even more of a slave driver then you are, un."

"Well, sucks to be you. You're helping Tobi." Pein says and leaves the room.

Deidara sighs and leaves the room.

"Why do I always get the crap missions? And why do I always have to look after Tobi, un?" he thought aloud as he glided to his room to relax before he had to go on his mission.

"Because shit rolls downhill." Sasori said, standing in front of Deidara's room.

"Huh?"

"You asked why you always get the crap missions. Pein is testy today, and shit rolls downhill."

"What are implying? That I'm the least important person here, un?"

"Well, you said it, not me." The puppet says as he crosses his arms over his chest.

Deidara thinks and says, "Yeah, I got one thing to say about that, un."

"And what's that?"

"You're a retard, un."

"How do you figure?"

"There are tons of other people here that are useless."

"Like…"

"Okay, Itachi is pretty talented, what with his sharingon and all, but he and Kisame couldn't even catch a 12-year-old kid, un. I captured the Kazekage jinchuuriki in one try."

"Hmm… true. But you're not better then me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

_(**Okay, I'm getting bored so I'll skip to the action. Deidara and Sasori argued for a little longer, then they started fighting. Like, trying to rip each others throats out. Then Kisame and Itachi see them fighting and watch intently while snacking on popcorn)**_

"SASORI, I SWEAR I'LL KILL YOU, UN!!"

"BRING IT, BLONDIE!! YOU COULDN'T KILL ME IF YOU HAD AN ATOMIC BOMB!"

Deidara and Sasori are practically beating each other to a bloody pulp.

"Are you two just going to watch us kill each other, or are you going to do something, un?" Deidara asks as he tries to detach Sasori's arm.

"Nope. We're enjoying the show." Itachi says, stuffing a hand full of popcorn into his mouth.

"Well, could you please back up? We don't have enough room to kill each other." Sasori says as he yanks on Deidara's ponytail.

"OW, UN!! YOU FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!!"

"WELL, YOU LOOK LIKE ONE!"

"OH! YOU'RE DEAD, MOFO!!"

"NO! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Deidara and Sasori proceed to roll around on the ground, yank at hair and throwing punches. Sasori pushes Deidara off of him and says, "YOU'RE DEAD!!"

Deidara stands up, blows his hair out of his face and says, "Bring it, little man."

_**(Okay, after 3 more minutes of fighting, Deidara and Sasori are on their hands and knees, struggling to breathe.)**_

Deidara takes a breath, lies on his back and says, "I don't wanna fight you no more, Sasori-no-danna."

Sasori lies on the ground as well and says, "I don't want to fight you either, Deidara."

The two smile at each other and laugh weakly.

"Man, my head is bumpin', un."

"Now that you mention it, I think I've got internal bleeding."

"Yeah. And I think one of my lungs collapsed."

* * *

**Those to are crazy. hehe! Anyway, if you see improper grammar, I'm most likely doing it on purpose. For instance, when Deidara says, "I don't wanna fight you no more" I am fully aware that that is improper grammar. But I use proper grammar all the time, and sometimes you just have to throw it out the window. You just have to say, "ain't" or something like that. Anyhoo, thanks for waiting. I'm a procrastinator and I'm lazy, so I'm kind of slow on the re-posting. But I'm getting better. There's tons more antics to come! **

**HAVE NO FEARS! I'VE GOT STORIES FOR YEARS! **

**(That was from a Simpson's episode. It was a clip-show. hehe! Only it was "We've got stories for years")**

**Maddie: Okay everyone! Say Goodbye to the nice people!**

**Chibi Baby Akatsuki: BYE EVWEE BODY!**

**_The crazy, spazzy, anime addict you know and love,  
_**_**But act like you can't stand,  
But secretly you know you're just as crazy and spazzy as I am,  
**_

_**Maddie**_


	6. Shopping

_**Chapter 6: Shopping**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. If I did, all the Akatsuki would do is perform musicals and junk. T.T**_

* * *

_**(The next day, Itachi stayed at the base with Konan (who, lucky for Itachi, was having a good day), while Deidara and Tobi went shopping. Let's begin with Itachi.)**_

"So, what are we watching?" Itachi asked as he and Konan sat on the couch.

"Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, what else would we watch?"

Itachi stares at her with fear in his eyes.

"Not a chick flick!"

Konan laughs and says, "You're too easy to fool. No, we're not watching a chick flick. We're watching, "The Thing" You know, the parasite that infects everyone?"

"Oh, yeah. I remember watching it when I was younger…" Itachi reminisced as the movie began.

* * *

_**(Meanwhile, Deidara and Tobi were drowning in baby junk)**_

* * *

"HELP ME, SEMPAI!!" Tobi screamed, trying to find his way out of the sea of stuffed animals.

"Tobi, you idiot! What did I say about touching things, un?" Deidara grumbled as he hauled the masked boy out of the plushie sea.

Tobi stands up, brushes himself off and says, "Tobi is sorry, Deidara-sempai. Tobi saw an orange monkey at the top and just had to have it."

"So, you climbed up a mound of stuffed toys just to get an orange monkey?" Deidara asks.

Tobi nods, picks up said monkey and says, "See? Monkey matches Tobi!"

Deidara let out an exasperated sigh, then said, "Come on. Let's get the baby junk so that I can get out of here, un."

"Yes, Sempai!" Tobi said happily as he followed the blond.

"Sempai! Do we need this?" Tobi asks, holding up a pink dress.

Deidara glances at him and says, "No, we don't. We can't buy any really girlie stuff or boyish stuff."

"Why?"  
"We don't know the sex of the kid, un."

Tobi snickers.

"Hehe! Sempai said a naughty word."

"Oh, Lordy. God, if you exist, please help me survive this and not slaughter Tobi." Deidara grumbles, looking up at the ceiling.

"Mommy! Why does that man have a basketball for a head?" a little girl asked, pointing at Tobi and pulling on her mother's pants.

"It's not nice to point, sweetie."  
"But look at the basketball boy!!"

"Sempai?" Tobi asks, pulling on Deidara's sleeve.

"What?" Deidara moans in an exasperated voice.

"Why is that girl pointing at me?" Tobi points to said girl.

"See, Mommy? The basketball man is pointing."

Deidara groans and says, "Don't point, Tobi, un."

The mother looks at Deidara and says, "So, how old is yours?"

"1. He's not mine. And 2. I don't even know, un."  
"GASP! What kind of mother are you?" The lady asks in shock.

Deidara twitches with irritation.

"I am a guy!" he yells at the lady, about to strangle her.

"No, Sempai! We don't hurt innocent people!" Tobi says, pulling the blond back.

"Run, sweetie!" The lady says, taking her daughters hand and quickly retreating from the fuming blond and basketball boy.

"LET ME AT HER!! LET ME AT HER!!"

* * *

Hey guys! Thanks SOOOOO much for waiting! Sorry it's been awhile, and sorry this chapter is kinda short. When I was looking this over, I was thinking, "I'm gonna have to add more to this chapter." but when I finished reading it, there wasn't really anything I could add. So yeah. I'll do me best to not have you guys waiting a month of sundays for my next chapter. I LOVE ALL YOU GUYS!!

Me: Say bye everyone.  
Akatsuki:...T.T yeah, whatever.  
Me: --sigh-- See you guys later. :)


	7. Kakuzu

_**Chapter 7: Kakuzu  
**_

* * *

**(A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for waiting! I always worry I keep you guys waiting waaaaay too long. So, I think of making up something really fast to hold you guys off. But then I think, "I want to give my readers something good. Even if it takes 2 months." It's probably been more then that though. So yeah. I'd rather have you guys wait a little bit for something good rather then get something crappy every 2 weeks. Hope you guys agree with me! 'Kay, enjoy!)**

* * *

"Okay, Konan. It's my turn to watch you, and I'll tell you this right now." Kakuzu says, sitting down on the couch.

"I'm not going to do shit for you. I'm going to sit here and discover more ways to save money. You can go into labor right now, I don't care."

Konan was sitting down, smiling as she knitted. (Yes, she knits now. XD!)

"That's fine, Kakuzu sweetie. You do whatever you like. I'll just be here, knitting some clothes for the baby. Oh poop! I dropped a stitch!" She sighed and continued with her work.

Kakuzu paused and looked at her. "I didn't know you could knit."

"Well, what with the child and all-" she smiled down at her stomach and rubbed the bulge. "I thought I should start. So that I could maybe make some clothes and blankets. You know, so you and the boys don't have to spend so much money on baby things."

Kakuzu gaped at her, his jaw dropping to the floor. "You-you're trying to sa-save mo-money? You always say that if it's expensive, it just means it's worth buying."

"Well, I realize now that I've been absolutely horrible to you and the rest of the boys. And, I just wanted to tell you…" she puts her knitting down to sniffle and wipe her eyes. "Tell you that I'm sorry. I've been absolutely horrid! And I'll never forgive myself. But, I hope that you and the rest of the boys could forgive me and put all the past behind us so the baby can live in a peaceful environment."

Kakuzu pauses and tries to find something to say. "Ummm… I… forgive you… I guess?"

"Oh, thank-you, Kakuzu darling. I'm ever so happy!" She smiled at him, and then picked up her knitting again. She sighs, frustrated. "I wish I knew how to sew. Then I'd be able to embroider this. I could always put in designs when I knit it, but I'm terribly bad at it."

Kakuzu sits closer to her and motions for her to give him the knitting.

"Do you know how to knit?" She asks.  
"No. But I can sew. I've sewn Hidan's limbs back on enough times, I think I can put in some embroidery."  
"Wonderful. That would make me so happy if you could do that for me. Would you mind?"  
"Umm… No, I don't mind."

Konan stands up and dumps all the sewing stuff into his lap, her mood changing entirely.

"Good. Only use the pure cotton thread. I won't have my child walking around in half-assed clothing. I want the shirt to match the blanket, with only one difference. On the blanket, I want lace edging. And for God's sake! Use only pastel colors!" She marches off into her room, slamming the door behind her.

"What just happened?" Kakuzu mentally asks himself. "I think I just got conned."

"…DAMMIT!"

* * *

**Okay. 1st: Sorry this took awhile. But I explained all that before. Just wanted to say sorry again. ) 2nd: Sorry this is kinda short. The next few ones are going to be short as well because I'm going to have a little story for each of the guys for when they're with Konan. However, I might add a little extra to show what the others are doing. I'm not saying I will, I'm just saying maybe. So, this one made me laugh to write. I mean, come on. Konan knitting? I find that hard to believe. And as I was typing this up, I found for whenever Konan would speak, I gave her have a British accent. When I read it, I read out loud to myself so I can see what it sounds like. So, whenever Konan would talk, I'd automatically talk in my British accent. I realized this half way through. Hehe! **

**Anyway, since the chaps are shorter, I hope to be able to get them out a little faster. But once I've finished Pein's story (which is the last one that has to watch Konan) it will be a little longer of a wait. But I already have an idea of what's going to happen. Don't worry. This story takes up all my "laying in bed, suffering from insomnia" time. I'm always thinking up more ideas. And I've already bounced ideas off my parents, my brother, and my friends. So, I always have a different input as well. Anyway, I'd better stop talking now so I can get to typing up the next chapter. HIDAN IS NEXT!! I know everyone is QUITE excited to see what is going to happen between them. UNTIL NEXT TIME!!**

_**TRA-LA-LAAAAAAA!! --flies away--**_

**Tobi: Maddie-Chan! You still have to say bye to the readers!!  
Maddie: Take it away, Tobi! --flies off into cheesy sunset--  
Tobi: Bye nice peoples!! Tobi and Maddie-chan lurv you all!!**


	8. Hidan

_**Chapter 8: Hidan**_

_**(A/N: Hey guys. I'm warning you all now. There is a lot of swearing in this chapter. Well, you all guessed there would be. I mean, it's Hidan. I apologize in advance if anyone is offended by any of the words used. They in no way reflect the writer or her beliefs. Sorry, had to cover my butt. hehe! Anyway, I gotta rate this one M. Only for the whole language thing. Anyhoo, enjoy!)**_

* * *

Hidan glared at the door to Konan's room.

"I'm sick. She says. I can't leave my room, she says. Shit…" he grumbles under his breath, mocking what Konan said to him and the rest of the group.

He asked Jashin to help him to not kill Konan as Pein had instructed, then asked for forgiveness because he wouldn't be able to kill her.

"Hidan? Hidan, are you there?" Konan calls from her room.

He growls and grinds his teeth, then slowly walks into the room.

"Okay, Kakuzu told me you tricked him. And he NEVER gets conned. So, fuck you. You can rot in this hellhole. No matter what you fucking say, I ain't doing SHIT!" he says, glaring at her.

She blinks at him as if he was speaking a language she didn't understand.

"…huh?"

"Don't play dumb, bitch! I know what you're trying to do! And I have 2 words for you. Fuck. You."

Konan's bottom lip quivers, her eyes filling with tears.

"Crying won't work on me, twat. Cry me a fucking river, I don't give a rat's ass."

Konan whimpers and sucks in a shaky breath, her whole body trembling. Hidan stares at the wall, uninterested. She wraps her arms around herself and cries.

"Stop the fucking act, Konan. You never cry."

"Well, I'm crying now." She squeaks out between sobs.

"Sure you are…"

* * *

After 5 minutes of straight crying, Hidan starts to get a little uncomfortable.

"Okay, you can stop crying now."

She continues to sob. Hidan shifts his weight awkwardly from foot to foot, getting slightly anxious.

"STOP FUCKING CRYING!! I KNOW YOU'RE FAKING!"

"Stop yelling at me. And I'm not faking." She sniffles, tears still running down her face.  
"Stop trying to make me feel fucking guilty, twat! It's not gonna work!"  
"Would you please stop swearing at me?"  
"FUCK NO! I'll fucking swear as fucking much as I FUCKING WANT!"

Konan looks at her hands, watch them shake uncontrollably.

"Can you leave? I'll be fine. You go do what you want."

Hidan rolls his eyes and looks at her. "No. I can't leave. Pein told me to keep an eye on you. So suck it up."

She glances up at him, her eyes somewhat pleading. "Please? I just want to be alone."

"No. I'm not going anywhere."

"Hidan, PLEASE! I'M BEGGIN YOU! YOU JUST MAKE EVERYTHING WORSE! PLEASE GO!" she yells at him, new tears running down her face. He scoffs and leaves, muttering about how emotional females can be.

* * *

About 20 minutes later, Hidan knocks on Konan's door to check on her. "Konan? Konan, you okay?" He asks, peeking into the room. Konan was sleeping soundly. He could see the tear marks on her cheeks.

"Fucking twat. Cried herself to sleep." He rolls his eyes and turns to leave. Konan's eyes flutter open, and she sits up.

"Hidan?" she rubs her eyes sleepily.

"Yeah? What do you want?"  
"Don't call me a twat."  
"What?"  
"I said… Don't call me a twat, you fucking douche bag."

"So, you've decided to show your true colors, eh? But fine, I won't call you a twat… cunt." He grins as he sees Konan's eyes spark and fill with anger.

"Shut up, you pussy!"  
"You're the pussy!"  
"Fag!"  
"Dike!"  
"You're a dickhead!"  
"Takes one to know one!"  
"YOU'RE A DICK-FACE!"  
"YEAH? WELL, YOU'RE A VAJAYJAY-FACE!"  
"Get over here and tell me that like a big man- Oops! Guess you'll have to stay over there. Big is 5 inches and up." She smirks.

Hidan sniffs around the room and acts like he smelt something bad. "Ugh! Konan! Close your legs! I smell fish!"

She growls at him, ready to rip out his throat. He grins at her and leaves the room, dodging the kunai that was thrown at his head.

* * *

**hehe! okay, all the threats here I mostly heard from a few of my friends. I was at my friend Kayla's sleepover party. And one of the girl's wanted to sleep. And it was 3am, so we were all pretty crazy. So, 2 of them start saying random insults to eachother. Don't worry, they didn't mean them. They're friends, and they were just being silly. So, they kept calling eachother cunts and stuff, then one of them was like, "You're a dick face!" and the other was like, "yea? well, you a va-jay-jay face!" and then she was like, "Ugh. Close your legs. I smell fish." hahaha!! rofl, much? ahaha! Anyway, I'm glad this one didn't take forever to submit. So, next person is... my fave, Deidara. Okay, see ya guys next time! Love all ya'll!  
**


	9. Deidara

_**Chapter 9**_

**_(A/N: Hey guys! Okay, so thanks for waiting, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to happen to Deidara. Then I remembered that there were birth videos and stuff. So I thought, "Hmm... I'm gonna scar Deidara for life. Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do." and this poofed up. So, have fun!! Remember, laughter at the expense of Deidara gives me money! =D)_**

* * *

Konan was sitting on the floor in what you'd probably call the living room. She was sitting on a mat, trying to start a movie up. She looked at the buttons on the remote, trying to figure out how to work the DVD player. She growled and looked around for her temporary slave. "Deidara!!!! I need help!!! The remote is broken!!!!!" she yelled, deciding to make Deidara fix it. Deidara got there in just under a minute, an annoyed look on his face.

"What do you want, Konan, hmm?" he asked, rolling his eyes.  
"I need you to fix the DVD player. It doesn't work. I put the DVD in, but nothing comes up on the screen. It's probably broken…"

Deidara sighed, took the remote and clicked the "Input" button, making the DVD menu appear. "There. Done. It might help to click 'Play' to start the movie too." He said, giving her the remote and turning to leave the room.

"WAIT!!!" she screams. Deidara nearly jumps out of his skin, then turns and looks at her.  
"What now? Do you not know what the 'Play' button is?"  
"Will you watch this with me? It's suggested to all pregnant woman, and I want someone to watch it with me." She says, smiling at him.

Deidara looks at his stomach, then back at Konan. "Does it look like I'm pregnant, hmm?"  
"Actually, you are looking a little pudgy." She says. Deidara glares at her and sits down.

"Fine. Only because I have to listen to you." He says, looking at the TV. "So, what are we watching anyway, hmm?"  
"Biggest Natural Births: A documentary." Konan says, clicking play.

_**[A few minutes into the movie]**_

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I WANT DRUGS!!!!" a woman on the TV screamed.

"OH, SHIT!!!!" Deidara shouts, falling off the couch.  
"Damn. There's no recovering from that. That will NEVER tighten back up." Konan says, watching the movie intently.

"OH GOD!!! IT HURTS!!!" another woman screamed.

"OH, FUCK!!" Deidara screams, covering his eyes. "Scarred for life, scarred for life." He chants under his breath, rocking back and forth.  
"Deidara, come on. That lady just birthed a 10-pound baby!! Give her some credit." Konan says, forcing the blond to watch.

"GET THIS THING OUTTA ME!!!"

"Oh my. This one has twins."  
"MY EYES!!!! SOMEONE GOUGE THEM OUT!!!!" Deidara screamed, trying to look away.  
"No! It's educational!" Konan said, patting his back reassuringly.  
"How can they even DO that? That thing is so huge… and it's so small… " The blond mutters, his whole body shaking.

* * *

"See? We women are tough! I bet you guys couldn't do that." Konan says when the movie is over. She clicks stop and looks over at Deidara, huddled into a ball on the ground. He looked at Konan, looked at her enlarged stomach, then whimpered and covered his face.

"That thing inside her… it's evil… pure evil…so much blood." he muttered to himself, rocking back and forth.

Konan hugged him and said, "Dei sweetie, it's okay. Soon enough, that's what is going to happen to me. And you and the rest of the guys are going to have to help me." Deidara let out a high-pitched whimper and hid behind his hair, his body shaking more.

* * *

**_OH-TAY!!!!! Now that I have sucessfully scarred Deidara for life simply using a DVD, I can die happily. *marks task off list* Anyway, who's next? *looks at list* Zetsu. Oh my. hehehehe!!! This is gonna be fun. XD Okay, love you guys!!! BYEZ!!_**

**_Who am I? Well, that's a secret I'll never tell.  
_****_You know you love me,_**

**_XOXO, AkatsukiGirl (XP!!!)_**


	10. Zetsu

_**Chapter 10**_

_**(A/N: Omj!!! Zetsu took a while. I couldn't decide what I wanted to do with him. but then I was inspired! So, yeah. Thanks again for wating, everyone. =])**_

* * *

**"I think we should eat it."** Zetsu's black side said, glancing at Konan's stomach. "No. Remember what Leader-sama said? He said not to eat Konan, especially the baby. We have to keep it safe." His white side replied.

Konan was sitting on the couch, her arms down by her sides and her back totally straight. "Umm… Zetsu? Can I go get a drink?" she said in a small voice, shrinking away from the plant man. Zetsu looked down at her and shook his head.

"No. Kakuzu, Hidan, and Deidara told us all about what happened when they watched you."

**"Yeah. And we're not going to let you do anything. Kakuzu got conned-"**

"Hidan was lucky enough not to get hurt-

**"And Deidara was scarred for life. So, we think it'd be best if you just sit there and do nothing."**

Konan blinked at Zetsu, then smiled up at him. "But Zetsu, you're much too smart to get fooled by me. Unlike Hidan, you don't piss me off." Konan explained. "You actually kinda scare me." She whispered under her breath. Zetsu stared at her with a blank expression, looking kinda bored. "And I don't have anything that could scar you or whatever. I suppose I could always go and start killing plants, but it's not as fun to scar you."

"That doesn't matter." Said his white side.

**"You're not going anywhere. You're staying here so that we can keep an eye on you." **Finished his black side.

Konan sighed and pouted a little. She put a hand on the oversized bump that was her stomach and laid back. "But what if I have to pee?"

**"Piss yourself."** Zetsu said blankly, sitting down on the ground.

He picked up one of the houseplants and started looking at its leaves, checking for anything out of the ordinary. Konan watched him as he inspected the plant, working a plan out in her mind. She smirked and sat up slowly. Zetsu looked up for a second at her, and then went back to the plant. Konan picked up another plant and looked at it until Zetsu looked up at her.

"Hey, Zetsu? Can you talk to plants?" Konan asked, keeping her eyes on the leafy plant in her hands.

"Yeah… Why?" Zetsu replied, a hint of caution in his voice.

"So, if it were to, I don't know, scream or something, you'd hear it, right?"

Zetsu's eyes narrowed and he gently put his plant down by his side. **"Konan… what are you getting at?"** Konan yanked off one of the leaves and Zetsu's eyes went wide. "Stop! You hurt it!" he said, trying to take the plant from Konan. She took another leaf in her hand and glared at Zetsu.

"Now. Let me go take a piss. Or else the plant gets it!" she snarled, starting to tug at the small leaf.

"Okay! Okay! Just give me the plant!" Zetsu said urgently, reaching for his small green friend.

Konan gave him the plant, got up and walked to the bathroom. When she came out, Zetsu was glaring down at her. She put a hand on her hip and looked up at him. "Yeah? You want something?" she said smugly, a smirk appearing across her lips.

"Just you wait, Konan. I'll get you back." His white side said.

**"Baby tastes really good with barbeque sauce."** His black side added, his mouth turning into a grin.

Konan's eyes went wide and she stepped back into the bathroom. "M-Maybe I'll just st-stay in here till the o-others get back." She whispered to herself as she locked the bathroom door and sat on the floor.

* * *

_**(Okay, everyone! Hey! I just want to give a special thanks to everyone who has added this story, and myself as an author, to their favourite list. =D Whenever I get the message that someone either faved or added this to their alert list, I always get a burst of happiness, and it just brightens up my day. =D**_

_**So, who's my next victim? *looks at list* SCORE!!! PUPPET BOY!! Oh, this will be fairly easy. *giggles* And very fun I hope. Okay, love you guys! =) And I hope I don't keep you waiting too long. BYEZ!)**_

**_You know you love me  
Xoxo  
Maddie *wink*_**

**_PS. I LUUUUUUUUV reviews. =D I love hearing what you guys think.  
_**


	11. Sasori

**_Chapter 11_**

**(A/N: Holy CRAP!!! O_O It actually took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to do with Sasori. My apologies that this isn't longer. I felt that if I tried to bulk it up to much, I'd ruin the fun of it, you know? Anyway, hope I haven't lost too much of you guys. XD But thats okay if I lost a few. Can't expect you to wait around for my lazy ass. ahahha! Alrightie, go on and read it, you crazy betchs. XP I kid, I kid.)**

* * *

"Hey, Sasori?" Konan asked from the couch. Her guardian for today was sitting in one of the chairs, reading a book. "Would you be a dear and get me something to eat?" There was no reply. Konan frowned and - with some struggle - sat up and turned to look at the puppet. "Hey!! Sasori?!?!" She said, louder this time. Sasori just sat there with his book, every now and then turning the page. The women biffed a pillow at him, which just brushed past his head. He didn't look up, he didn't even FLINCH!

Konan grumbled and waddled over to the redhead, standing right in front of him. "I know what you're trying to do. You're ignoring me so you don't have to help me. Oh, haha, very funny." She said, crossing her arms over her chest. The puppet stayed quiet and stationary. "Oh, so you're just gonna sit there all day, huh? Sit there on your ass?" Konan was getting annoyed now. She wasn't getting any reaction out of the puppet. This either meant she wasn't annoying him enough, or that she hadn't hit a nerve yet. "Well, at least the other guys had the balls to talk to me." She rolled her eyes and mentally grinned as she got a wonderful idea.

"I guess you don't have the balls to deal with me, do you puppet-boy? Do ya? No, i don't think you do! And you know why? Cause you're a puppet! Puppets are wimpy, defenseless, DICKLESS creatures that depend on someone to do everything for them." The blue haired women snickered at her great dissing abilities. But Sasori still sat there, taking all the insults without even a glance at his attacker. Konan clenched her fists as her anger started bubbling in her stomach. Living with 9 other men had taken a toll on her. She got much more angry much quicker. But she had to be tough. She had to 'Keep those bitches in line' as she like to say. (A/N: XD)

"FINE!!" She shouted at him. "ENJOY YOUR MOTHAFUCKIN' BOOK!!!! I DON'T EVEN CARE!!! I'LL TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!!! FUCK YOU, SASORI!!" Konan stormed off to the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. Once that door closed, a short redhead peeked out from the stairwell into the living room. He grinned and quietly snuck over to the book-reading puppet.

"I ain't no body's slave." Sasori mumbled, taking the book and putting it on the table. He picked up the twin puppet of himself and put it over his shoulder. "That'll teach 'er to diss ma puppets." He went back up the stairs to retreat to his room.

"Psh! Muppets? Please. Those wimpy ass woodpiles on string? I could kick 'der muthafuckin asses wit ma weakest puppet any day of the WEEK! Just cuz I'm pimpin' like dat!"

* * *

**(A/N: Yes, Sasori has been watching too many rap videos and 'Pimp My Ride' episodes. XP He was inspired!!! =D Only momentarily though. He'll be back to his normal puppet self in no time....... But Sasori IS pimpin' lyke dat. Whut? You gots a problem wit dat? Yee, i THOUGHT not. XD Just joking. I don't wanna start no beef. haha! ROFL**

**Okay, who's next?.... Kisame. *grins* What can I do with fish man....... I dunno. You guys got any ideas, I'd love to hear 'em. 'Ightie, I've rambled on long enough. =D Go live your lives for a bit. LOL. XD Byez.)  
**


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